Vicky made me do it....


-i know i make more than most of you, why dont you just chip in to my "vivienne westwood purse fund" or my "miu miu purse fund"
-a bottle of chambord :]
-one of those adidas winter coats or maybe those h&m winter coats, or simply one of those gc cuz i really dunno the styles that i want
-i don't mind getting earrings
-and really, no more clothes cuz my closet is only so big. undergarments are welcomed (it means i don't have to do my laundry so often :P)
-im quite picky in my perfumes. but i do like bvlgari au de blanc, vera wang princess, flower by kenzo, l'eauparkenzo, issey miyake l'eau d'issey. just to let you know, i still own 2 perfumes, so this isn't my priority
-im better off with like useful gifts than expensive. you're prob not getting me stuff if you dunno me that well. so think about what i usually do most or spend money on most.
-new pair of badminton shoes, ripped mine today :[ i think i wear size 7
(Yonex SHB-101 LX 2009, Yonex SHB-91LX Ladies, Yonex SHB-100 LX Blue Ladies)
-a new badminton bag...preferably the backpack style type. not the white/blue one though. everyone has that now.

A more affordable list:
-Public Enemies DVD
-Up DVD

No I don't mean the passion and the oohs and ahhs that you feel during the relationship. I meant the destruction of friendship after all that passion and such. Passion is then replaced by awkwardness.

I really hate the idea of losing touch with people. They're mostly afraid that you haven't moved on and that is why you talk to them. I actually evaluated that argument. It isn't necessarily true. I was having lunch with a good friend of mine the other day, and we both concluded that we're the type of people who value friendship over relationship. We understand that it's hard to stay friends with people you have been with or had something "special" in between. It's rather sad to lose a friend because of that assumption of feeling awkward. What's most awkward is knowing that people communicate and stop on a random day. No one really knows when will they communicate again or to what degree.

There's no coincidence in this world. Perhaps your encounter with so and so had a meaning behind it. Maybe too philosophical to fully comprehend this, but did so and so help you in one way or another? or let you know more of yourself and your surroundings? I know it's a bit too early, but it's quite nice to be able to say "thank you for meeting me" to all those people that has entered my life.

But back to the topic of losing touch. Lately I just want to talk to those I have been close to before. No matter how I suddenly hate them or whatnot, I felt so lightened up and relieved when I can talk to them once again with a smile. Hah, I'm definitely not selfless. But it's been a while since I feel like I'm smiling from the within. Leave all the drama to the television (or your laptop if you're like me :D), you'll be fascinated with what you have at the moment and what you have had.

Ahh, back to my old, confusing style of writing. I just like to drop a few random thoughts floating in my head before they start traveling away and into the mist of nowhere.

Ever had a time where you said you will NEVER EVER do something and you did it in the end? Life's so ironic. You always tell yourself the right thing to do, but with the expectation that you will not do it. "Oh it's just once, it shouldn't hurt." Oh yea it will bite your ass. Then in the end you'll be like "shit, why the hell did I do something this stupid? When will I learn?" Then you would post something on your blog, fb, aim status, twitter about you've learned a lesson through the hard way and will never repeat that. Bullshit. Not long after that, you're living up the pain that you voluntarily placed yourself in. You have to go through those depressing times where you just can't stop thinking. Every little thing reminds you of the past, but you pushed hard to remove those traumatizing memories. Soon you pick up specific songs because they mention things like you start seeing images of your past, or somehow sync with your current mood. You want to cry but somehow tears won't fall. You want to scream but realized it's 4am. You want to talk to a friend but you don't know who to talk to or what to say to them. Then you think back the last time you feel the same shitty feeling. How long has it been? a year? two years? 3 months? How did you recover last time? Oh wait, last time you've recovered the bad way, you turned antisocial and put up a billion mask and armor to protect your dinky little soul. Then you start blaming the world, well at least the people involved with your sadness.

Think, what's the big deal. You've been through this. Let it go. Your mind will constantly think back at what you have done wrong because you're human, you have a guilty conscience too. Appreciate what you've done wrong and don't dwell on the things others have done unto you. The show must go on, you still have to do everything else in life. You're not really living life by yourself, your friends are worried too, they've probably seen something going on in your noodles and simply have faith in you. We all know that this world is balanced between yin and yang, the good and the bad. Even if you feel shitty today, you know that in the near future, your side of the seesaw will rise and you'll be having a blast. Somewhere in this world will be a person who is living through the same pain you have lived through before.

It really bugs the shit out of me when a guy suddenly stops talking to you with no reasons given. Simply it's like he has disappeared from the face of the earth. Well, just YOUR earth. Actually, not really. You can still see that he exists, but somewhat like as another person. What has happened that involved you was just a dream, or it has hit the ending theme of a show. There is no happy ending, no sad ending either; it's one of those retarded endings where it's up to your imagination but you're just sitting in front of the screen yelling WTF.

But so far, I see a pattern in guys doing this to me. I don't know about other girls, maybe it's just a me-thing. Guys simply hate me like that. They hate with silence, something that I detest. I just wish they say it right in my face. I hate playing games, guessing facial expressions and all these psychological clues. I'm just dense like that. Why can't they just be straight forward with me?

This reminds me of Jan Lamb's talk show, the one for the Szechuan donation. He was commenting on "lan gag" and how it's a stupid way to tell people "I don't want to talk to you" and so there's no future. I just feel like ignorance is the same thing.

Oh well, come to think of it, I've done the same things too. I don't talk as much, well mainly I was busy, but I wouldn't completely ignore. UGH fuck this. kthxbye.

On a side note, I got a bruise in the lower back of my head. So much for napping on buses.

Dear reader,

You have reached the wrong number, please try your call again.

JK, I'm being crazy today. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep and I'm not tired at all, I guess I'm finally used to my ridiculous sleeping pattern. So on Sun & Mon, I sleep about 4-5 hours; rest of the weekdays I sleep for 6-7; then weekend I get 9-10. I hope that balances out? In financial terms, it's called 'sleep carryforward' LOL.

So yea, life's been bland. I'm just going to school, going to work, playing badminton, doing club activities. I really want to see my pooh!! If I drop club activities, I can work hard in one job and drop the other, then I can make time to see him! It just sucks big time when we are each at opposite ends. I'm glad we're not too serious, or else I would demand much much more and end really early since it's a long dist.

This guy in my class is chatting up with a white dude in French, I just realized that he's a cute Asian and very fluent in what he's speaking. DAMN, jealous.

Ok back to what I was doing. So midterm season starts tomorrow and I do not feel anything like midterms at all, it feels like I have been in school for so long that everything doesn't seem eventful. I guess I really want to have a real break, yea yea I went to SD before school started and all that. A little regret since it's just less time hanging out with him. But then again I was still crushing on another guy at that time, so everything wouldn't have mattered. :] Luckily I'm finally enjoying my classes. Well, all except my finance class. All I really need is glue so I can get myself together and hadouken each exam.

Alright short update, just because I felt like it.

I don't know who read my post from yesterday (or say who can?) but I've been thinking about the same issue for the past 18 hours (minus 10 for my sleep). So I came down with this conclusion: it's really nice to have someone who would hug you and hold you and kiss you whenever you guys see each other. But it's just so immoral right now? Maybe it's a nice thing to be a fool and not know anything, then I can throw my heart out.

I want something like this:



Hot no?

HAHAH finally I didn't see Mr. B in my dream.

So it all started with me getting off work last night and just woke up in the morning for Sunday (which is basically right now). But the house I lived in was totally different, looks like my aunt's place more. I got a call from my GM, she was asking me if I can come in for the 19th, cuz they were short in workers. My mom was telling me in the back how they're overworking me. And so I had to go in there for an 8 hr shift. I was so close in rolling over to AIM and change my "no work!!" in my info. Anywho, so I had cherry tomatoes for breakfast, its juice were all over my plate. Then I rushed to BART to work cuz i work at 4. But I met a guy who was my friend's friend. He was younger and he was like all over me emotionally. Not Physically, mind that :P. So I followed him to a cafe/hotel ish thing. it was like 1948 as the door number. First we were waiting in line for a coffee thingy, where I bumped into Karen and I'm assuming her partner. So I asked if she's gunna play in the Spring Davis tourney. Then I walked into Chantelle who actually works at the cafe thing. Then the guy finished making this colorful jelly drink for this person and left with me. We went upstairs by a bus, and it looked like Chinatown. We had like 2 boardgames over there with everyone in the room. I remembered seeing Jessica sitting on the side, neglecting the game and focusing on her homework. I saw two girls that I know, but I just can't remember their faces. At the end of the game, me and this one girl were in a room waiting for the results. I finally realized that I was late for work, and just walked out and yelled at the guy who took me there. I was 2 hrs late, so I just yelled at the guy as I walked to BART. Then we bumped into this lil white kid who tried to bully him. I didn't have time to deal with it, so I just started pinching his cheeks with my nails and shove him in the door. The End.

LOL at my old resolutions... RIDICULOUS :P

2009 resolutions:
1. spend less money
2. drink less alcohol
3. no more B-!!!!!!!!!
4. no oral sex for a year (suggested by kaye)

that should be good for now :]

Why do we value education so much? Yes it is noble, intelligence allows us to understand everyone else, if not ourselves, so we are not living life like a bunch of idiots. Ok, I take that back, we're still living like a bunch of idiots. But that is not the reason I write!

Have you ever think about how ALL YOUR PROFESSORS knew about the "midterm" period. If you're lucky, your midterms will be spread out within 2 weeks. Still not enough time to ace them all unless you have super knowledge, GENIUS. Here, you'll be choosing 2 out of 4 classes to study, the other 2 you'll need to pray to your god or somebody else's god. If you're not so lucky, you'll probably have a back to back midterm. Not a Tuesday-Wednesday back to back, but like 11am then a 12pm midterm! NOW THAT IS COLLEGE! It's murderous!

On top of midterms, you might have classes that LOVES research papers, or analytical papers. Whichever is fine, anything like 10+ pages will meet the requirement for evil professors and their paper assignments. And you're probably sitting there and say to yourself, "fuck... I've studied for chemistry, and I've studied for African history. I'm braindead. I don't know what am I going to write about Indian economics and another one on Scandinavian theater."

Poor you. Those professors don't really give a damn. If you're lucky to be in your major, good for you. You don't have to worry about being accepted, ALL OVER AGAIN. If you're not so lucky, or claimed to be lucky for getting into the college of your dream with UNDECLARED, you're not lucky now! You've got crowds of fellow classmates ready to murder you so there is a slightly higher chance to get into capped majors. Oh did your school teach you about modern cannibalism?
So now you find yourself sitting at your desk, writing thousands and thousands of application essays. Maybe think about writing about modern cannibalism, it's definitely creative and shows potential for long-term research.

Humans. We call ourselves civilized. Yet, we are indirectly seeing our best friends bleed with paper cuts and we can't do a single thing. No wonder suicide is the #2 cause for college deaths, because #1 is homicide.

Oh, while I'm typing this, I'm killing myself with caffeine overdose :]

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

HELLO FELLOW PACKERS! WE ARE SBC PACKERS WORLDWIDE! HERE, SBC!THE WORK NEVER STOP! SBC YESTERDAY,SBC TODAY!TOMORROW SBC ALSO! HERE AT SBC PACKERS WORLDWIDE, WE'LL PACK ANYTHING! YOU BRING IT HERE, WE'LL PACK IT IN FRONT OF YOU!WE'RE THE BEST PACKERS IN THE WORLD!OUR MOTTO HERE IS THAT IF YOU PACK WITH US,WE'LL PACK WITH YOU!THAT'S RIGHT!THAT'SH RIGHT!BUT IF YOU DON'T WANNA PACK WITH US, YOU CAN GO PACK YOURSELF!
WE PACK A LOT OF THING HERE BOOKS,PLANTS,PERNITURE...ANIMALS! WE'RE THE BEST ANIMAL PACKERS IN THE WORLD! I PACK MORE ANIMALS THAN NOAH! BUT THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL TO PACK IS..YOU LIKE FIGHTING ROOSTER? HERE WE CALL IT IN THE PHILIPPINES, THE COCK! THE COCK IS BERY DANGEROUS BECAUSE THERE IS A SHARP BLADE ON THE ANKLE! BUT YOU CAN'T JUST PICK UP THAT COCK, YOU CAN'T JUST GRAB THAT COCK RIGHT AWAY! YOU HAVE TO CONFUSE IT! YOU HAVE TO CONFUSE THAT COCK! YOU HAVE TO CONFUSE! THEN YOU PUT IT IN A BAG, OR A BURLAP SACK. SO WE ARE THE BEST COCK-SACKERS IN THE WORLD! WE WON'T DELIVER TO OAKLAND BECAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY BL'CKS THERE! THERE'S TOO MANY BL'CKS IN OAKLAND! IT'S DANGEROUS FOR ME!I'M OLD! I MEAN LAST TIME I WAS IN OAKLAND, I WALK ONE BL'CK, I'M TIRED! I WALK TWO BL'CKS FORGET IT! THERE'S TOO MANY BL'CKS THERE TO WALK, I WILL NOT WALK THOSE BL'CKS! HERE AT SBC PACKERS, THE WORK NEVER STOP,SBC ALL THE TIME! WE HAVE TWO TYPE OF JOB THAT IS AVAILABLE TO ANY PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYEE!IF YOU'RE GOOD, THEN YOU'LL GET PROMOTED TO THE ABOVE JOB! IF YOU'RE GOOD, BUT IF YOU'RE JUST STARTING, THEN YOU HAVE TO START OFF WITH THE BELOW-JOB. THERE'S THE ABOVE-JOB, AND THE BELOW-JOB. I AM NOT ASHAMED, TO GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND GIVE AWAY AS MANY BELOW-JOBS AS POSSIBLE!
HERE AT SBC PACKERS WE HAVE A GUARANTEE THAT IS IRON CLAD,MADE OF BRONZE. BUT FIRST! I HAVE TO TAKE A SH'T! I HAVE TO TAKE A SH'T OF PAPER, AND ON THIS SH'T IS THE NAMES OF ALL THE RECIPIENTS.SOME OF THIS DOES NOT STICK TO WHAT WE PACK HERE! ALL THIS PACKING, NOTHING IS STICKING, C'MON! I COME IN , AND I SEE ALL THIS SH'T ON THE GROUND. AND I HAVE TO YELL AT MY GRANDCHILDREN,MY COWORKERS, AND THE GUY I GAVE A BELOW-JOB TO THIS MORNING,HOY!PACK THAT SH'T, PACK THAT SH'T,AND PACK THAT SH'T!

女: 遺憾到無助到難受到殘酷到到早上很怕張開眼晴 Regret, helpless, suffer, and cruelty make each morning too fearsome to see
　　連望見牆上撲灰一片都想到那張臉便逃命和怨命 Even seeing a grey wall reminds of that face and makes me want to run away and blame fate
男：這麼感性　難怪無法撇清 This sensibility is hard to determine
　　已逝去感情早已沒生命 That feelings from the past has long lost its life
　　這種反應　完全是任性 This reaction is ultimately from ignorance
合：告別唯有當擦亮眼晴 I must bid farewell to brighten up my eyes

合：多少失戀者仍然健在 How many broken hearts are still healthily alive
　　證實要放棄過去至找到未來 Proving that one must let go of the past in order to find his/her future
男：曾被愛同樣有權分開 Those who were loved has the right to break apart
女：拒絕悔改 Rejecting repentance
合：會死於愛海 Will lead to death in the sea of love
合：一生本應該活在現在 Life is supposed to be about living the present
　　掛念會美化了錯愛　永遠受害 Longing would only beautify wrong love, eternal suffering
女：愁在理論像哲學精彩 Worry about how reasons can be as interesting as philosophy
合：說易行難無可奈 Easy to say, but hard to act, what can I do?

女：誰沒有盲目過然後再麻木過要恭賀得到比失去多 Who has not been blinded, then numbed, but remember to congratulate yourself for getting more than what you've lost
　　沉澱過明白過只不過花開過最想念仍然是無花果 Sank, understood that although the flowers have bloomed, I still missed the fig most (fig is literally a plant that does not bloom as flowers)
男：話雖不錯　人有時愛痛楚 太自覺可憐偏卻沒幫助 This is true, people sometimes love pain, but feeling too pitiful has no help
　　大千色相　誰人憑甚麼 Millions of facets, who can rely
合：會令誰永世　困在最初 On whom forever, but only to be trap in the starting point

合：多少失戀者仍然健在 How many broken hearts are still healthily alive
　　證實要放棄過去至找到未來 Proving that one must let go of the past in order to find his/her future
男：曾被愛同樣有權分開 Those who were loved has the right to break apart
女：拒絕悔改 Rejecting repentance
合：會死於愛海 Will lead to death in the sea of love
合：一生本應該活在現在 Life is supposed to be about living the present
　　掛念會美化了錯愛　永遠受害 Longing would only beautify wrong love, eternal suffering
女：愁在理論像哲學精彩 Worry about how reasons can be as interesting as philosophy
合：說易行難無可奈 Easy to say, but hard to act, what can I do?

女：如可　這麼理智的話 If I can have these senses
男：那段愛可能是假 This love might have been fake
合：就與他哭到快樂吧 But cry with him until you both are happy
　　也許開心過總有代價 Perhaps happiness has a price after all

合：多少失戀者仍然健在 How many broken hearts are still healthily alive
　　證實要放棄過去至找到未來 Proving that one must let go of the past in order to find his/her future
男：曾被愛同樣有權分開 Those who were loved has the right to break apart
女：拒絕悔改 Rejecting repentance
合：會給感性所害Will let your sensibility injure yourself
一生本應該活在現在 Life is supposed to be about living the present
　　誰每日能開心喝彩 Who can cheer happily everyday
　　最可惜理論如何精彩 Unfortunately, no matter how interesting can senses be
　　那寂寞如何忍耐 It is hard to withstand this loneliness

You dunno what you need until you lost it. You dunno what you can get until you get to sample it.

After being hit on 9 times this fuckin year, I realized what I can get. Although it might not be as great as I wanted. I sure know that I have my ways to get my flings. Yes, flings. I'm not really interested in getting a deep deep loving romance. Not really ready to fall over a cliff after I struggled to climb up.

But! A kiss is just a kiss. Yes there's a bit more to a kiss, but so what? It's a corrupted world after all. Yet, I'm not too opposed to it as long as I'm not falling for it. I know my limits. And I believe my fate will bring me to the places I need to go, to do what I need to do. We'll see what happens three weeks later haha.

FUCKIN IM BURNED!!! AND SKIN GOT HELLA RASH!!

So tonight's the fourth night in a row to dream about him. What's so good about him? NOTHING. I do not fuckin know why is he poppin in my dream?!!?!?!??! I'm rather pissed at myself because unconsciously I chose to do this.

I haven't been happy with men. So this thing is like a double attack. First I was watching WOIL 2 and Bosco was an asshole, so I hated both him and that girl he cheated with. Basically what he did just shattered my heart. I just don't get it, what is so hard about keeping feelings? So you like person B when you're with person A, but you misses person A when you're with person B? GROW UP! You'll just end up getting with no one!

That brings me to my second point. It's easy to say, but actually hard to perform. I know what he's going through, yet I miss him this much?? I know every single reason not to, yet I do? I was talking to one of my friends, and she said that even if she knows this guy has hurt her most, she would get back with him if she has the chance. Why are we so stubborn? Why must we hold onto a hope that's barely existing yet can describe every detail about it and enlarge that minimized importance?

Maybe without this problematic heart I can live a dull and systematic life. Oh gees, when will I meet the man of my life? Am I seriously looking at the wrong places like what my coworker said?

So I had a weird trip last night. I was going on a group road trip with Rebecca, Kimhak, Kenneth, Kerri, Steve, and some other people. For some reason, my mom wanted to go on this trip too, but she couldn't leave at the same time as the rest of us. So the whole group were to meet up at UBC. It definitely didn't look like UBC, looked like some sort of waiting room ish restaurant thing. Then I saw my middle school crush, Randy. At first he didn't notice who I was, and he was talking to my friend. I don't know who I was with, but the girl seem to know of him. They then exchanged screen names because he forgot his phone number. My friend and I facebooked his sn and found his number. Then he facebooked my friend, and found me through my friend's friend list. He saw some of my recent pics (which is totally not the ones I have on my facebook in reality lol). So in these pictures, I was wearing this evening gown type of dress, silver greyish colored, the ribbons criss cross at the stomach and shoes the belly button and all. Randy complimented on how fit I looked. I thought he was just being nice and complimented it as if I was a stranger that happened to have a nice picture. Apparently, he found my phone number on my facebook when he was browsing. Then he texted me with his screen name "Hi Connie ;)" I glanced up and he smiled at me. It was so awkward that made me want to leave ASAP. So I said I have to leave now when I saw 2 of the cars we're taking on the road trip pull up in the parking lot. So I went out. On my way to the cars, I was talking to Rebecca and trying to ignore Randy who was behind me while I was walking out. I was telling Rebecca that I don't want to be in the same car as Kimhak. Then when I saw Randy getting closer and closer to me, I just got into the nearest car through the trunk (they opened the trunk to put the bags in). Fate end up putting me right behind Kimhak and next to Rebecca. Then I just sat there thinking if I should wait for my mom or just go. Then I woke up from my dream.

Wanna explain to me what is up with my head???

So summer has started for 3 weeks now? What have I done?
-Bum around the house and watch dramas.
-Finished Taiyou no Uta, now starting Yamada Taro Monogatari & War of the In-Laws II.
-Worked more hours!
-Ran around Lake Elizabeth today! Ok, jogged and stopped constantly lol.
-Played badminton!
-Went to Great America for the first time!

I'm actually liking this summer thus far. One thing is that first year in college got me through the stressful moments I've ever had in my life. I don't necessarily have to repeat it, because some of you might know that it's still bugging me. Well yea, I blame myself for it too. But then again, as long as I know what I'm doing, it shouldn't be a bother to my life as before. True that. The problem is: I have no self control. So if I fall again, I'll fall just as deep. I need super glue in my life so I can hold still. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that is like the story of my life: Stand for something or else you'll fall for anything. I guess as long as he's still chilling in my life, I can't ever add the period onto this story. The only thing that bugs me is how he would be friendly sometime and ignorant the other days. Lately, he's the friendly type, I just have that feeling of something bad will soon happen. I'm very superstitious, so I really trust all these feelings I have. Another thing is fortune telling. The cards said that I might be back with him again. Soon. I just don't want to think about anything. Whatever happens must happen for a reason. It's God's decision, not mine. Well, it's not mine in the first place, since I sold my soul already. Technically it was my original wish, so I can't dislike it too much?

But! I'm looking forward to the rest of summer!
-Kennedy's graduation
-All the other UCs people are back
-BEACH on the 20th!
-GA again on the 22nd?
-RUN and LOSE FAT!
-19th Birthday!
-Summer school (I have no life XD)

Keep on smiling. It'll fool someone ;]

jessica: I should get myself a bf who can read it to me for a bedtime story
jessica: lolz
jessica: ^^;;
me: hahaha
me: you prolly cant sleep from that
me: XD
me: too exciting
jessica: LOLz
jessica: who said we were sleeping?
jessica: lolz
jessica: xD
me: woahhh
me: what?
me: >_<
jessica: jk jk
jessica: lolz
me: OMG
me: YOU SCARED ME
me: LIKE WOAH
jessica: AHAHAHA
jessica: adding spice to your life
jessica: =P
me: cheating on me now?!
me: lol
jessica: I thought we had an OPEN relationship
jessica: ^^
me: darn..you noticed
me: XD
jessica: of course
jessica: =]
me: shudda date someone dumber hahahaa
jessica: AHAAHHAAH
jessica: I'm just understanding

Sometimes I really wonder, do we truly get happy when our wishes come true? Although I must agree, that wish had given my extremely high temporary happiness. What about in the long run? Will I still be happy and grateful even if this wish is at other's expense? Even if it can cause mind disruption and eternal grief?

Now that just brought me to my second point. Nothing is eternal! Not people, they die. Not architecture, they deteriorate. Not institutions, they change. (Learned that yesterday from the guest professor from Davis.)Not history, they can be removed. Not love, they come and go. I had been fooled that love would be eternal. There is something that S mentioned. (S as in person, not the furniture retailer I wrote my paper on.) Love only exists when two people have mutual love. Not one, but both. No matter how long I dreamed about having those mutual feelings, truth hurts.

Sometimes I just want to be bold to someone who has now gone through wicked karma. I would've told that person: I suffered what you are suffering, where you agreed or not, it's the truth. I've lived through the same pain. When something is gone, we want to end our lives there, especially after this invisible bond has formed; but is this all worth it? Think about the last time you felt like this. Think about now. Life is odd. It runs in a cycle; when you think you've found the love to die for, it turns out you'll find the same thing again later on in life. People change. Perhaps we change more, so we look for someone different; or maybe they change quicker, we're then no longer their cup of tea. So look on the bright side. Life will eventually spin us to the next heart beating event. It'll give you the next shitload of happiness.